The Toxic Parents Survival Guide by Bryn C. Collins

Author:Bryn C. Collins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
Published: 2018-03-11T16:00:00+00:00

Assertiveness is the ability to set clear boundaries with another person while allowing both yourself and the other to keep their personal power. It’s asking for what you want without taking away from someone else.

Aggressiveness is getting what you want at the expense of someone else. It’s demanding what you want no matter the cost to another.

Assertiveness is always the Solver’s choice. It’s fine to ask, directly, for what you want and need and then be willing to negotiate to a resolution everyone involved can agree to.

When you’re dealing with a histrionic person, you have to be emotionally visible to them in order for them to make a connection. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to outdrama them. Instead, stick to finding a solution to one problem at a time with a goal of finding a working compromise where you and your histrionic parent both get a bit of what you want.

You might remember that earlier I paraphrased Alfred Adler, one of the three founders of modern psychology. He said, essentially, “When you are dealing with difficult people, be firm, fair, and friendly.” Firm means to have good boundaries and be in control of yourself. Fair means to keep the interests of both sides in mind. Friendly means to be open but not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Dr. Adler’s advice is really good when you are dealing with a parent with a personality disorder.

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